I’m generally either alone (except for the cat) or with Betsy. She’s more social than me my only friends are based on her connections and I get only small doses of extended family togetherness. “Those closest to me” comes down to my wonderful wife of over 30 years.

They even seem to relish pointing out my stupidity in everything I say. I see and hear people, especially those closest to me, who are intent on seeking out fault in what I’m doing. When I’m having an episode, I inhabit a place that looks like this when viewed from the outside looking in:Īnd from my view in the tower, people look like this: “Enemy at the gates!” Here’s what I’ve learned about my particular brand of depression so you can learn from my steps (and missteps) to work toward better mental health. It wasn’t something subtle, progressive, mind-altering… sneaky, even.Īnd it definitely wasn’t something that I ever had.īut I did. A person would definitely know they had it. In my mind, depression was something that preceded suicide an utter dejection causing near-immobility, heavy medication and maybe even hospitalization. It was one of many times that I didn’t realize how forbidding I was when my mood slipped to the Dark Place, as Betsy calls it. The teaching day is 8:00 to 3:00, but time in an empty classroom was easier to tolerate than time with me.

For more than a year, my wife left for work at 6:30 a.m.

The long dark wolf struggle